Sick of trying, sick of smiling, sick of crying, wish I was dieing

I am just so sick of caring so much.
I am so sick of missing my friends and none of them caring.
I love one of my best friends but I was so happy with just being friends.
It was okay with me.
But, he just doesn't care any more.
I live in f*cking Shelton.
And he lives in Cheney.
I can't see him often but I send him tons of messages.
and he acts like he's too good for me now.
I'm sorry I moved, but this was a good oppurtinity for me and I love it here so much.
I don't wanna regret it but he's making it so hard to enjoy it.
And I'm sick of pretending to be okay.
It's NOT okay.
I still miss you guys, even though I'm over here.
What would it hurt you to send me a freaking message back?
But, I know why he doesn't.
He doesn't love me.
I think he loves someone else.
And he just pushed me to the bottom of importance.
Because I'm not pretty, I'm not athletic, or smart.
I had nothing going for me,
so he just forgot about me.
I wish I wasn't stronger.
I wish I could just put the pills in my mouth and swallow.
I wish I could just run the knife across me and cut.
But, I promised myself I wouldn't.
So Instead he can just f*ck himself.
I'm sick of trying.
Sick of smiling.
Sick of crying.
I wish I was dieing.